Just admit you wanted it (and take a break)

Earlier this year I went on a date with a boy. Even before we met we messaged every day and would chat on the phone for ages. We got on well; he'd listened to me swearing and baking and I've listened to him having pizza. Then we met up and I didn't have the physical click. Afterwards he asked me how I thought the date went, I replied and said I had a great time but I didn't see it progressing into a serious relationship. It's not what anyone wants to hear but I've had my fair share of those messages (or no message at all) and you learn very quickly to not take it to heart.

"No, it's more friend than anything else" he replies.

OK - I think, then no harm no foul.

"Sorry, you're nice but I didn't see it going that way"

OK, fine - I get the point.

"Yep friend zone page 1"

Fucking hell, I get it mate.    

I expected a reply along the lines of "OK, no worries. Take care". I don't think he was super into me but if he wasn't bothered, I think I would have the textbook response...or no response. I'd be happy with any of those options.

There's is a real (negative) thing about showing someone you like them. The stigma of girls who message guys too soon after a date, as being too needy (I just think I'm being efficient. Ha). His response was about managing ego equilibrium. Never would I have received a message from him like "I'm really disappointed because I actually really liked you"...oh wait, I have had that type of message from a guy before and then I didn't respond because he seemed needy. This is a fucking vicious cycle.

This attitude doesn't apply just to relationships. I have had the worst bad luck trying to own my own place. I tried on several of them to downplay how much I wanted it because we want to protect our heart from being too excited about something that might never happen.

This "I didn't want to win that gold anyway" attitude sort of leads onto something else that's also been playing on my mind recently; around making the effort for something you want. I'm still learning about the law of attraction and having listened to a podcast today, a really interesting quote came up in it -

"if you spend your time thinking about the problem, then you're in the energy of the problem and not the energy of the solution" 

For many aspects of my life, if I see a problem, I try and fix it or put the effort in but unfortunately some things, like successfully buying a place or trying to meet the right guy does not correlate to the amount of effort you make. I have historically thrown all my efforts to lining up flat-viewings and I have thrown all my efforts into chatting to guys online but there comes a moment when you realise you're not getting anywhere and this isn't fun anymore. 

I suppose my current track record also would indicate I am out of alignment and that's why I'm not getting what I want. In these instances, what I had to do is stop trying especially before I hit  the"yep, friend zone page 1" vibes. Being angry and impatient is one thing; it shows you care but you have to stop before the point of...indifference that it will never happen.

Stop trying isn't natural to me. I'm impatient and I want change to happen immediately. My work ethic tells me that you don't achieve anything by sitting around doing nothing about it. Regardless of whether you believe in the law of attraction of not, from a pragmatic point of view, there is a certain stress energy you will have that will exhaust you and won't make you fit for what lies ahead.

So I'm going through that phase at the moment, boycotting flat viewings, boycotting the online dating (sort of...it doesn't count if they make the effort with me) and spending my time being creative, watching Reign like the world ends tomorrow and just getting myself back into alignment and when I've had what seems like the biggest procrastination phase and the zone is open to me, then I'll enter the zone.

Do you think we hide what we care about?