The inauthenticity of constant positivity

Anyone who's been on Instagram last month would have seen amongst photos of winter wonderland past times, I was posting in my stories a daily happy list. You can see some of them here (you could read them all but even I couldn't be bothered to do that, there's loads). 

I started doing this after my sister suggested I listen to Sophie Cliff's Practical Positivity podcast. One of the episodes, Sophie talks about the practice of daily gratitude and suggested it as something listeners should consider doing. I called it the daily happy list because the word graitude is overused more than Noddy's it's Christmas line in October, November and December. 

So I did it for a month and made it part of my bedroom routine, Sometimes I did it on the day it happened, sometimes it was 1 or 2 days after but there is a happy list for every day since I've started about 30 days ago. I aim for 10 but I don't beat myself up if I don't get to 10 but I also don't stop if I have more than 10 things I want to talk about.

So how have I found the whole thing? Honestly? Inauthentic. 

Which is weird because I always worked to the ethos of being a radiator, not a drain. When I started doing it, I got a lot of positive reactions from friends and family. So that side was quite nice. It did feel nice that in my own little way, I was making people smile with my positivity.

But I found it restricting. Although I post a lot on Instagram, I am quite private about a lot of things. And now I was suddenly giving a lot more detail about things and people in my life, and because it was a daily happy list, it felt like I was limiting my day to one perspective. No shit things allowed. 

The truth is, in that time, I had bad days, I had days when I was in tears. Some valid reasons (if there is such a thing as valid reasons to cry) and some possibly dealing with mental health issues. And there were times I'm in bed diligently writing my list whilst crying because I felt commited to do this. That kind of felt like the opposite of what this list was meant to do. 

I have read many articles about no moaning challenges and I get that. But I also believe there is such a thing around toxic positivity; when people are forced to feel like they have to get over being upset. Wallowing can be indulgent but denying facing an indeniable shit truth I believe is also incredibly bad.  

I also think one of the other reasons why this didn't "work out" for me is because I chose to post these lists on social media. That was a conscious decision because I am on it so much, I thought it might be useful to utilise my time by doing this.

For me, I have always felt in many ways the community impact on social media, that's one of the reasons why I use it. And one of the greatest joys I get from it, is when I connect with people. One time I posted a photo about my car being dented and no one leaving a number. It got so many people riled on my behalf, not to mention giving helpful advice about dashcam (sh*t, still need to buy one). Also my blog posts where I'm talking about real mental health issues always seems to get the most reasonance with people. I'm conscious that it depends on the person. I am perceived as a positive person, so when I talk about something that isn't positive, it is seen as being a bit more human. However I don't plan to always share photos of dented cars and shit days but I make a conscious choice at the time. Let me talk about how happy I am when I am happy but let me be sad when I am sad.

So for me, I would say that it's been great in so many ways doing this. Because it made me really think back on my day and some things which I loved but forgot, I was reminded of again. I think I'll continue to do this but privately and realise that it's not about shutting out the shit but making more space to celebrate the joy.

Do you write happy lists or gratitutde lists. Do they work out for you?