What Your Past Says About Your Future

Party girl then. Party girl now.

Recently I went to a funzing talk in Battersea called "The Psychology of attraction" delivered by Colin Richards who is a sex-therapist. Which I didn't realise / noticed until after I booked it...and after I saw the whole second half was about *gasp*  sex...and after I convinced my cousin to come along too. Awks...especially because I was running late and she had to get to the front (because they were the only seats left) and sit by herself for the first bit of it. Awks X gajillion.

It's not new news that our upbringing impacts our behaviour later along the line. However for those who don't see a psychiatrist or regularly discuss their psychological thoughts with people, we have a habit of making quite shallow observational comment "oh my god, Zac (let's pretend that Zac Efron is my boyfriend) is just like dad. He never steps down from an argument / *insert some other trait and moan*". Or we make judgemental sounding comments on other people based on their behaviour ("she is always playing the weak victim card").

When these observations are made on one level, it becomes a report not a review. Facts are stated but no analysis made. Does it require analysis? Shouldn't we just live each day as it comes and not overthink why we do what we do? Is there a risk this is used to avoid taking responsibility for our actions  later in life (I'm sorry I'm a conniving bitch. I have unresolved childhood issues"). To a certain extent yes but to not understand your full toolkit and how you were assembled will mean you will never understand your capabilities later in life. This transcends beyond who you're attracted to (but which quite frankly explain a LOT about why I am attracted to who I'm attracted to) to the possibility of knowing how to get the best of you. Wendy Rhoades eat your heart out.

When I was at this talk and we had excerises to do (I literally thought he was joking when he said bring a pen), I felt profoundly...unaware of myself. That I knew some things about me but it was on such a superficial level and since the talk, I have started mulling around some key themes from my childhood and really give it some thought and I would recommend you do the same. Start with observations ("X happened"). Then the emotional and behavioural response ("I felt Y and I responded by Z") then think of the possible "negative" traits (according to you anyway) that you do now which might have been due to the feelings you had when you were younger.

How does this harness your potential? I accept that some behavioural traits feels "natural" to me because it's something familiar but something that comes naturally doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

To illustrate the point; in a work environment I sometimes feel inferior in the presence of my older colleagues. The shallow observation would say this is because there are people who are older and I haven't had the same experience to stand up to them and be right. Also I look young so can be treated at times as if I'm younger (I'll have the last laugh when I look 50 at 80). However when I think about my childhood, as someone growing up with Asian parents, it is the Asian culture that children must be silent and must not talk when elders are talking at / to them (even if we think they're talking shite, even if we're bursting for a wee). It is also not common to receive praise from your parents at all - the absolute opposite in fact. Therefore I grew up being told that everything anyone older than me said is right and that I have never done anything right. You can see where this starts going when you pull the thread.

But I've identified this. I realised the cause and I know what I need to do to address it. I still feel like a little girl playing office at times but now I would say I'm a lot better at giving my opinion when I have the facts.

To not have self-awareness is to not know how to self-develop and to not self-develop is to assume you don't need to...and nobody is perfect.

I'm older than you so you know I'm right.