The changing stigma of resting

 

This morning, I was in charge of the puppy. So this means getting up at 7am so he can toilet, then I normally drive him to a local recreational park and we have a play before getting back for his meal. This is fairly routine now. However this morning, I had no energy in my body.  

I don't love the mornings but I normally get on with it. But I could barely get my clothes on and stumbled down the stairs like a drunk person (to be fair, not going out these days, my alcohol tolerance has lowered somewhat, so the shandy I had last night might have contributed). I let him out into the garden to do his business, then we went in the living room, I put on the TV and napped. The dog was kind of cuddling me and snoozing for a bit but he also only just got up so he had bags of energy. 

This is VERY unlike me. I am always going on about how it's really important the dog has time outside with other people, dogs and things like traffic. But I could hardly move. Then I thought about it. I went to bed a bit later than usual and I had a shandy. So maybe it's that? Then I went a bit further back. I've also got the week off work (anyone else have holiday days sloshing around?) and instead of having a chill first day, I would say it was full - considering I'm normally working at a desk in front of a computer. 

SHORT READ: I did lots of things.

LONG READ: I got up early (hey, 7am is early if you don't have a baby) and got the dog out for his play in the park and training. Unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I went to the opticians (which I was a bit stressed about because I asked my boyfriend to sort the dog's dinner out as I would have needed to have left by then, he got up late so I ended up doing it then flying out the house and not even having time for my tea. Criminal), I bought groceries. I got side-tracked by the pet store and bought the puppy toys. I came home, got the dog out for a drive and walk again, came home. Sorted lunch and because the weather was nice and I wanted to spend time in the garden, I thought I'd be productive and planted the tomato seeds, repotted my pepper plants, repositioned all the potted plants (heavy), pruned all the plants and got involved with a wish-I-never-started task of tidying the shed. I did 3 loads of laundry, hoovered, cleaned the sofas, sorted some online orders and got involved with another wish-I-never-started task of cleaning the oven which took ages because it was left by the previous owners and has years of grime and grease coated on the ceiling of the oven. So I'm poking about with a toothbrush coated in corrusive solution which was hovering near my face while using my phone as a torch. Did the usual routine of sorting the puppy's food stuff ready for the next day. I had a shower but realised I've been meaning to change the sheets and did that (the BF was helping with that in case you think he's a total lazy lump. I mean, sometimes I think he is but he did a lot of DIY yesterday which I wasn't involved with). Then bed.      

So that might explain why I was exhausted this morning and then I thought back even further. At the weekend 

SHORT READ: I did lots of things.

LONG READ: More laundry (never has our washing machine seen so much action since we've bought a dog in winter time). Taking the dog out on trips. Cleaning and tidying the house. DIY. Zoom calls.  Admin for my parents.

The reason why I took the week off, as well as using up loads of holiday, was to have a break from work. It's been intense and there's been some long hours. Also, in general it's been hard to switch off when you're working from home and your laptop is right there. So I started the week on 1% battery life. Despite this, I wanted to get loads done to the house but also my hobbies which have been side-tracked with the dog. Although at the time I felt super charged and productive from doing all those tasks yesterday (and gardening is a form of mindfulness), in hindsight it was a stupid thing to do. 

I thought it was more important to be productive but now I feel like I've set myself back and my body has said no. I should have rested. And I'm not the only person. So many people I'm talking to, who do double the amount of stuff I've listed above in a half morning, are flagging and also are experiencing mental or physical issues because of it. The stigma of being productive is slowly changing. We aren't appreciating people's productivity as much these days (TBF why would you care I moved my plant pots) and some may find it aggravating as it makes them feel inadequate. We are connecting when people are saying "This is all too much for me" because we understand and we think "Thank god, it's not just me falling apart". 

I need to "So what?" and "why does that matter?" my life more. "So what if the laundry doesn't get done today". "Does it matter if the house is a bit of a mess (WHEN NO ONE IS EVEN ALLOWED IN YOUR HOUSE ANYWAY)". If I worked to this, then yesterday the only thing I should have sorted was the dog. Everything else? Doesn't matter. IT DOESN'T MATTER.    

Or maybe I'm overthinking it and it was the 1 shandy I had.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR MIND AND BODY HAS SAID NO RECENTLY?