Why Being Kind To Yourself Isn't Conceited But Necessary

How can it be there that are 2 people who are similar in looks and ability yet 1 has enough sass to make Queen Bey consider renouncing her throne and the other is a shaking bundle of nerves? Because it's all about the confidence*

*Totally original line not at all used by a fabulous TV personality

So when someone compliments you these 2 people would respond very differently. 1 would accept the compliment with a serene Mary Berry type grace and 1 would downplay the situation spending a cringe-worthy amount of time explaining how they bought "this old thing" in a sale in Primark.

I was the one who liked that I was getting a compliment (you'd have to be dead inside not to feel a joyous little glow when someone thinks you look fetch) but didn't believe them because I just didn't think I was all that. I didn't hate myself but I certainly didn't think highly of myself. I was critical of many aspects of myself and over time this has an impact on my confidence. Not only does it impact your confidence to try something new, it's also pretty self-indulgent. You spend so much time berating yourself when actually it would be kind of nice to spend the day...you know...living it?

So I knew I couldn't keep this up.

Radical self love is a concept I read about by Gala Darling, the most fabulous of fabulous people to exist on this planet who wants to live a life full of beauty, love and joy. She is lead ambassador of loving yourself in order to live the life you want. Please read her blog. I literally love her and wished she was my friend who braided my hair whilst telling me things about the universe.

One of the things she talks about was the idea of writing love letters to yourself. I loved the idea because it's romantic and taps into my love of private writing (I've been writing a journal since I was 8 years old). Does this mean I draw a heart with arrows and write Thuy hearts...Thuy...? Hmm.

The principle is; every day (or as often as you can), you write a private letter to yourself as if you were another person. In this letter you are positive and complimentary and loving (the clue is in it being a love letter). This isn't about thinking "I am so great. I am so great. Everybody loves me. I am so great" way (brownie points if you got that reference); it's reducing the time wasted indulging in negative thoughts about yourself and allowing more happiness in...in my humble opinion anyway.

Give a girl a notebook with a fabulously witty and apt quote and she can rule the world

I've been doing this for over a year now and noticed a number of things happening -

1. You start doing this thinking it's the cringiest of cringe things to do. Instead of being a grown-ass adult adulting and stuff you're spending time doing something that seems to be on par with having an imaginary friend. No one knows you're doing this so pretty soon you get over yourself and you get on with it

2. Especially when done in the morning it gives you that all-day glow. The same kind when you get a message from a boy you like but even better because it came from you.

3. There will come a point after a period of time when you get to the end of the day and you realise you weren't rude about yourself all day and it feels nice (OK more than nice)

4. Because you rely on yourself for the compliments, you will rely less on the compliments from others (although don't stop you guys!)

5. 5 minute (max.) time invested = payback x 1,000,000. For such a short time required, it gives you the confidence to get on with your life

6. This is about being kinder to yourself - not thinking you are better than others. No one is better than anyone else and anyone who believes that is conceited and deluded

7. If you stop, the magic stops. This is a commitment; not something you just do for a bit because you were in a funk. I was in the zone; writing diligently and I became more confident, happy and less critical of myself. Then when I was in a really good place and spending so much time doing lots of awesome things, I stopped finding the time to do this and it wasn't long before I was back to my self-deprecating ways and it was crap. Ironically I berated myself for not having the diligence to keep it up. Anyway I'm back on it now.

Think back on your opinion of yourself and if it's not on par with how you feel about your most favourite person in the world, then please give this a go because it's worked for me.

If writing or the idea of a letter doesn't come naturally to you then do whatever suits how you do things but the main thing is that you do it and spend a short amount of time thinking about something kind about yourself.

Now go get your inner Mary Berry on.

What do you think about the idea of writing love letters to yourself?